After 2 days…all back to normal…ahahhaha..
I recieve a lot of welcome back wishes from my friends on my first day of work…they asking about my baby…the pictures. And few close friends ask to share the labour experience. It was so fun. Then the top question is…’you got baby boy or baby girl”. Then I answer, ‘baby girl”. Than they added, “the first one also girl rite…means there is the third one. Try for boy”. I just burst to laughter and answer, “maybe in another 2 or 3 years, but for me boy or girl doesn’t matter. As long they are healthy.
This is actually become the culture in our people..First they will ask when we want to get married, than they will ask when to have kid…2nd day of marriage people will start ask…hey…when you guys wannna get a baby…come on, its not that easy to get a baby ok.The baby cant just pop out from the thin air just in 2 days. There is an ‘art’ behind It.**wink**wink**..
After few months, people start asking about the second baby. Guys..I’m still struggling to loose the baby fat.Ya Allah…when all this going to stop.
After 1 year, we start to plan for the second baby…the time just rite...Im healthy and ready, my first baby also can walk and do most of the things on her own…Yes we are ready. We had been trying for few months and just pray for the best. Actually it’s not that easy for me to conceive for the second time. This might cause by the pressure in my working place.
After few try and error, I’m pregnant…I’m so happy, my hubby so happy…but we just keep it to our self. I did tell my mom and my MIL.Unfortunately.. I lost the baby after 2 months. I cry for 1 whole day before I went to the hospital for D&C. than we try again. After 3 months, luck was on my side and I conceive with my third baby. This one also the same story, I lost the baby again. But this time I never told anyone about my pregnancy not even to my mom. Then was the time I felt so bad and feel like I loose my self. Can’t think rational. Always cry. I took 2 weeks leave to make sure I’m ok before I start work. I still remember my x boss call me to ask how I’m doing. When I hear his voice, tear start flowing like a thunder storm. I can’t even talk. So sad.
Start from that day, nobody ever ask me regarding the second baby…huuhuu..I can’t even look at pregnant lady or a baby. I start to loose myself. I don’t go out shopping much because I don’t want to see those pregnant ladies. I feel so sad and depressed.
Then was the time when I tell myself that I really want a baby. Boy or girl is not the issue. I want my daughter to have sibling so that she got friend to play with. Now she always alone…pity her. I don’t know where I find the strength…but self determination is the best. I try lots of thing. I took traditional medication, seek help and guidance, I join few online forum to gain more knowledge. I even undergo X-ray for my uterus to make sure there are no blockages or abnormality that causes the 2 miscarriage. The most important thing is I make sure I’m happy.
I admit that I do hope that I will get a boy for the second one. But after what I been going tru, I realize that child is the gift from Allah. We don’t have any right to choose. Boy or girl , they still our child…and always bear in mind that it is not easy to get one ….even if we manage to carry the baby for 9 month. If Allah decided to take the baby back..We cannot do anything to stop it.
The most important thing is love your baby…gives them support, encourage them…sure they will love you back no matter they are a boy or a girl.
Alhamdulillah…I love the greatest gift from Allah…Aina Najwa and Aina Balqis. They are my everything.
